Whether you’re heading on a first date or trudging to the last, nailing down the perfect spot is key. We’ve lined up the best restaurants, bars, parks, and more to make out and break hearts in the city.

Does the thought of a picky date have you looking for the nearest exit? This Midtown cafe serves noshables for everyone (even gluten-free folks), including standbys like steak frites and gnocchi. Best of all, its proximity to Port Authority means you can jet out of town (or send him packing) if things go truly awry.

Market Cafe, 496 Ninth Avenue, between West 37th and West 38th Streets (212-967-3892 or marketcafenyc.com).

If keeping things spicy is the recipe for lasting love, then the Clinton Hill spot is a first-date must. Split the suyas — a traditional Nigerian kabob rubbed in ground nuts and chiles — or tuck into the creamy moi moi, a soft honey bean cake.

Buka, 946 Fulton Street, between Saint James Place and Grand Avenue, Clinton Hill (347-763-0619 or bukanewyork.com).

Even if you’re splitting up, your soon-to-be-ex will thank you for a trip to the Spanish hotspot. A word of warning: It’s tough staying mad over a plate of crujiente mahonés (flaky flatbread with honey and thyme), so steel your resolve before the menu melts it.

Salinas, 136 Ninth Avenue, between West 18th and West 19th Streets (212-776-1990 or salinasnyc.com).

Perfect for a cozy evening date (or brunch breakup), the Chelsea bistro keeps it fresh with vest-clad waiters, a polished marble bar, and an indulgent Mediterranean menu. Things going better than expected? Extra-long mirrors along the walls allow for quick makeup checks.

La Promenade des Anglais, 461 West 23rd Street, between West Ninth and West Tenth Avenues (212-255-7400 or lapromenadenyc.com).

The date you snagged is so good-lookin’, the waitstaff is bound to go gaga. Good thing the intimate Williamsburg restaurant offers private shaded booths — ideal for deep eye-gazing and shared Tokyo-style small plates. Better still, your server won’t interrupt unless you ring a bell.

Zenkichi, 77 North 6th Street, at Wythe Avenue, Williamsburg (718-388-8985 or zenkichi.com).

Old souls appreciate the Victorian charm of the Cobble Hill cocktail club. Romantically named confections like the Eastern Getaway and Blush Baby are sure to elicit lusty sighs, while fried oysters and steak toasts satisfy more carnal cravings.

Clover Club, 210 Smith Street, between Baltic and Butler Streets, Cobble Hill (718-855-7939 or cloverclubny.com).

Revenge never tasted this good: Let ’em down sweetly with a Mexican vanilla cupcake and glass of pinot noir at the unusual West Village dessert bar. The only thing better than custom seven-inch cupcakes are the red velvet Belgian waffles.

Sweet Revenge, 62 Carmine Street, at Bedford Street (212-242-2240 or sweetrevengenyc.com).

Make a stellar first impression at the laid-back Williamsburg venue, where the Buffalo chicken is spicy and the staged shows are always memorable. If you feel inclined to show off your smarts, swing by on a Wednesday for the weekly quiz-off.

Pete’s Candy Store, 709 Lorimer Street, between Richardson and Frost Streets, Williamsburg (718-302-3770 or petescandystore.com).

The wine is fragrant, the gelato rich, and the pasta fresh. No, you haven’t died and gone to Tuscany, but Mario Batali’s Italian megamarket is the next best thing when it comes to a primo first date. Should you want the party to continue, you can always pick up imported biscotti to take la dolce vita back home.

Eataly, 200 Fifth Avenue, between West 23rd and West 24th Streets (eatalyny.com).

They say oysters are an aphrodisiac, but killer happy hour deals are similarly intoxicating. The two go hand-in-hand at the moody Williamsburg bar, which entices patrons with its New Orleans charm, $1 bivalves (4 to 7 p.m.), and full absinthe bar.

Maison Premiere, 298 Bedford Avenue, between South 1st and Grand Streets, Williamsburg (347-335-0446 or maisonpremiere.com).

Perhaps it’s the mounted deer heads, but the low-profile LES establishment — tucked away in an unsuspecting alley with twinkling white lights — has a rugged, outdoorsy vibe that appeals to adventurous new couples. We suggest devils on horseback (sweet prunes wrapped in smoky bacon and dipped in hot mustard) to get you going.

Freemans, Freeman Alley, off Rivington Street, between Bowery and Chrystie Street (212-420-0012 or freemansrestaurant.com).

Jean Shrimpton and David Bailey, Liz Lemon and Peter Dinklage, Kate and Leopold. The Brooklyn Bridge may be a relationship cliche, but when it comes to finding a spot to woo your new lover (or unloose an old one), there’s no better backdrop than the Manhattan skyline.

Brooklyn Bridge, Centre Street, at Park Row.

Impress a hunky geek with science factoids and dinosaur bones at the classic Upper West Side spot. Young nerd love has been known to flourish in the dimly lit squid and whale room, but even if you don’t steal smooches in the dark, at least your brain is enjoying some extra stimulation.

American Museum of Natural History, Central Park West, at West 79th Street (212-769-5100 or amnh.org).

You two squabble like penguins fighting over a fresh sardine, so what better breakup spot than the infamous penguin room? It seems cold because it is. Swing your newly solo self by the polar bear habitat for a dose of fluffy, post-breakup cheer.

Central Park Zoo, 830 Fifth Avenue, at East 64th Street (212-439-6500 or centralparkzoo.com).

There’s no better way to get to know a person than by putting on a plastic jumpsuit and blasting him with paint-filled pellets. Think of the climate-controlled field as your own private love meadow (complete with a laser gun maze in case you get sick of peeling dried paint from your hair).

Indoor Extreme Sports, 47-11 Van Dam Street, between 47th and 48th Avenues, Long Island City (718-361-8337 or indoorextremesports.com).

Soothe first-date anxiety with a trip to the Greenwich Village chuckle spot frequented by the likes of funnymen Louis C.K., Dave Chappelle, and Chris Rock. If X-rated humor gives you the giggles, try the midnight show for truly lascivious laughs.

Comedy Cellar, 117 MacDougal Street, between Minetta Lane and West 3rd Street (212-254-3480 or comedycellar.com).

When it comes to first dates, dinner and a movie can seem a little boring. Put a new spin on the old favorite with themed cocktails and menu items at the Williamsburg movie house. If the nightly special doesn’t strike your fancy, lime and cilantro popcorn will surely hit the spot.

Nitehawk Cinema, 136 Metropolitan Avenue, between Berry Street and Wythe Avenue, Williamsburg (718-384-3980 or nitehawkcinema.com).

From Blue Ribbon burgers to frequent appearances by DJ Questlove, this isn’t your average bowling date. Kick up your clown-shoe feet on plush leather couches and sip ice-cold beers between rolling displays. Here’s hoping you don’t strike out.

Brooklyn Bowl, 61 Wythe Avenue, between North 11th and North 12th Streets, Williamsburg (718-963-3369 or brooklynbowl.com).

With all the challenges and occasional bruised feelings, relationships aren’t so different from obstacle courses. Get a jump on the tough stuff at the climbing wall in the middle of Central Park. Afterward, compare blisters and plan your Mount Everest excursion over hot pretzels and sodas by the pond.

North Meadow Recreation Center, Central Park, enter at 97th Street, at Central Park West (212-348-4867 or centralparknyc.org).